Jul
8
Me pants are on fire.
This is going to disappoint you: It turns out that I’m a horrible liar.
I was keeping track carefully this past week and here’s the dealio, I lie to my kids ALL the time. I don’t even flinch. Mostly it just things that will keep them from the brink of panic or tantrum.”Where’s my artwork/lame toy/half eaten PBJ mom?”
“I don’t know.”
I say that a lot. It’s my go-to line for when I’ve trashed it and I’m playing dumb. My other big transgression: “I’ll be there in a sec.” All the time. I NEVER mean it. I mean, when I get around to it, which is probably more like 20 minutes or whenever my google reader is depleted.
I gave up trying to keep track of my child-directed lying. It’s really just an integral part of my communication with them.
Here’s the problem with trying to keep a BIG FAT LIES diary, you are aware of what you are saying. I actually started thinking before I spoke. Which resulted in: OMISSIONS. I started talking less and leaving things out, for fear of those little fibs. I took the honest approach to social events that I would have gotten out of via “scheduling conflicts.” I sent an email saying I just didn’t want to. I avoided shallow compliments or pleasantries. None of this is outright lying, but it was kind of depressing how much we say to protect feelings, to avoid misunderstanding, and to be the nice girl. [click to continue…]
May
17
I have been conspicuously absent from my life this past week. Maybe not to everyone around me, but I feel trapped in a twilight zone.
I deliberated for about an hour re: my previous post. I would rather not talk about my feelings, or about traumatic life events. My good friend Rosie the Riveter (because Em really can do anything) tells me I am emotionally constipated. She’s right. The talking– it’s all too much for me really. It’s too much pressure for the people involved. I would rather write. It’s more comfortable.
I am a very private person. I come from a line of private people that keep their business as such. Drama should be left to the middle schoolers. I believe in sucking it up and dealing with it. I value stoicism. I believe in moving on. And I believe that there are many, many people that have more difficult trials and experiences than myself. That said, I also feel like I have been lying to a lot of people. I’ve asked MB to cover for me, which is difficult considering the time he’s had to take off from work. I’ve avoided talking to friends and acquaintances, and I’ve been going around as if nothing has happened. I think what I’m trying to say is that I need to be emotionally healthy, whatever that means. But the 2 real reasons I’m admitting all of this:
1) Women often speak of miscarriage in dismissive tones. I think we need to change that. “I had a miscarriage” tends to be thrown out there in the same way as “I had a headache.” It is such a common experience that I find this unusual and a bit disconcerting.
2) I asked MB what I should do about it and he told me I should acknowledge significant events in my life.
So there you have it, I’ve come clean. The upside? The doctors have instructed me to eat lots of red meat and stop exercising. Perhaps if I am feeling brave I will post what I’ve been working on. This is about all I can manage for now.
Jan
18
If you are an adult the use of “just kidding” has a few various situational applications:
1. a truly clever/witty comment or action that can’t be passed up
2. a passive aggressive way to dig at someone
3. a slightly delayed CYA when you realize you’ve offended someone
Lately I’ve noticed that my kids have their own acceptable situational uses of the phrase:
1. everyone has just proven my previous comment wrong and I’m avoiding embarrassment
2. I’ve just sassed you and I don’t want to experience the WRATH
3. I just got caught doing something I was explicitly told not to do
4. someone just saw me pick my nose and/or bottom
5. someone discovered I didn’t flush #2 again
6. I just violently attacked my sibling
7. I just verbally assaulted my sibling
8. I’ve just gagged up the meal you spent 3 hours making
9.I just asked a grandparent for material goods totaling $500
and my favorite:
10. I just told a big fat lie and I know that you know
Funny how some of these applications often feel as if there is a question mark hanging in the air. Now if you’ll excuse me, I know some children that need a sound beating. Just kidding!
