I’ve cornered several people and given them my instagram speech. It’s sort of a pet peeves, best-use scenario rant. It’s good, trust me. A couple of weeks ago, Magic Hands unknowingly walked into my impassioned spiel. She laughed at me in that way she does – it’s sort of a scoff that means she thinks you’re being ridiculous. Funny, but ridiculous. (Magic Hands uses her laugh to communicate more than any person I’ve ever met – but I don’t think it’s intentional.) And then she said, “Sounds like you need to to write down your Instagram rules.” Which of course made me realize what a control freak I was being, but it also sounded like a good idea. But then I forgot til the other day when I was recounting this incident to TSG on the phone, which of course, included my personal views on Instagram posting. TSG agreed that I needed to get it down in writing, since I’ve got such specific parameters. And everybody loves to be told how to use their media. So here is your user guide, should you find yourself in a posting quandary:
1. 2-3 posts a day, max. Only more if you are doing something super cool. (Super cool is not your kid eating play doh)
2. Hashtags are your friend. They are nifty file folders where everything with that #subject is filed away. So you can look at #cake, or #skyporn, or #charmingbeard. Whatever floats your boat. Also, if you add a location, then you can see all of the pics from that spot. Fun! Use hashtags sparingly. The whole 20 hashtags for #tagsforlikes is a bit much.
3. Stop taking pictures of your feet. It’s been done. (The exception being super cool new shoes.)
4. Food pics are a YES. But, you have to be careful. A lot of badly lit food looks like barf or poop close up. I don’t wanna see that.
5. Kid pics – YES. there’s a lot of leniency in this category. But it’s like food – no barf or poop. And PS – probably not a good idea for nakey pics to be in the public domain.
6. Beach pics – YES. (see #3) I mean, can we really get enough landscapes?
7. Pets – rarely, unless you have created some sort of awesome feed like #findmomo, that’s fun for everyone. Pets are mostly just cute to you, not the rest of us. And it’s really weird when you post more pics of your pets than your kids. (Perhaps some day we can all discuss the insanity that is animals getting more respect than human beings. Portlandia, ftw)
8. Non-violent criminal activity – YES. Just don’t tag me.
9. Injuries – only from far away. No close ups. I don’t wanna see that.
10. Yourself, #selfie. I just don’t know about this one. I feel uncomfortable with my once a week #sundaythreads, but I think the younger crowd is okay with doing this ALL OF THE TIME. Which is good, because in the last five minutes, I forgot what you looked like.
(Having written that all out and posting it, I am fairly certain someone will post 10 pics of their feet on a beach standing over kid or dog poop with 40 hashtags. You know who you are.)
That’s it! 10 simple rules to guide you through a nuanced Instagram experience. And as I always say to MB, “Instagram that crap!” (but really no crap, please)
