It’s too late to take back my bah humbug about cards, but know that as they’ve trickled in over the last few weeks I’ve loved seeing you all. (It’s like getting real life “likes.” We like you, have a card!) I was all set to jump on the year-in-review style bandwagon and as I looked at just the few things we had to fill out to personalize our family card, I was struck by how lackluster our year has been. 2012 has not been great, and I think that’s the real reason I couldn’t get it together. Plus, you know how I feel about the winter Olympic schedule I’ve worked so hard to keep.
Some of you may remember that last year’s Christmas greeting included a wish that you gain clarity and understanding of the life you have. This year has not been a year of clarity and I would pay top dollar for solid understanding. MB and I have spent significant time trying to change our life direction, and it’s been disappointing to see our prospects fizzle. We have tried for so many years to get overseas. We’ve longed for our kids to have the international experience, and in the fall we got so close. We could taste the frites and stroopwafels, and the kids were all signed up to attend MB’s old alma matter, the American School of the Hague. We were nothing short of thrilled. And then the plug got pulled on that. I mean really, how many times have I talked about moving? I am the poster child of the girl who cried, MOVE!
MB struggles to find satisfaction rather than obligation in his job. We’ve had countless discussions about what we want, what we value, and our disappointment that doing things according to “the plan” has left us somewhat disillusioned. We’ve wrestled our faith to the ground, but have been unable to pin it down. We feel defeated and bruised, but unsure of where our belief belongs. We are trying. Trying. Trying. Parenting has turned us into irrational people with poor self-discipline and an endless capacity for mistakes. My son suggested anger management this summer, we took our daughter to a behavioral therapist, and Dutch’s biggest problem in life is the amount of time it takes to comb the snarls out of her hair.
We didn’t run away to Paris, or sneak away to the beach, or visit our families.
Then there are the things we’ve learned this year. We learned an expensive lesson about income tax mistakes. I’ve spent a good part of the year learning the photography ropes and trying to start a small business. MB has been the model of support as I’ve slipped out on weekends and traveled to workshops. We spent 2 years jumping through deliberately vague hoops to get Legomaniac into the gifted program. He’s in! And we are proud of him, not because he has such a big brain, but because we love seeing him challenge himself, expand his knowledge, and take control of his learning. Our Fair Warrior has been working hard on learning to read. It does not come easily, and she is often frustrated. There are many stressful evenings spent talking her through her tasks and talking her down in general. We have seen her work hard, we’ve seen her disappointment and tried to convince her it doesn’t have to be perfect. She has made progress.
Dutch learned to wink 
Early in the year we received the unexpected and anxiety-inducing news that MB’s mom was diagnosed with a brain tumor. Then brain surgery. We are thankful for facetime, for the immediacy of the internet, and for quick and easy access to resources. We are amazed that there are people that can fix our brains! We are thankful for medical knowledge and personnel that keep us all running. And we have been impressed with Grandma’s speedy recovery and ever-changing hair. This makes it sound easy for her – we know it was not. Grandma, we love you more than all the brain surgeons in the world!
We are grateful for the did-nots of this year. (I intentionally use grateful to avoid saying blessed, because often I find that word is used to denote that you’re deserving or chosen.) We did not lose our home in a hurricane. We did not lose our loved ones. We did not worry about how to get food. And my personal favorite, we did not ever watch Honey Boo Boo.
We are trying to craft a life of meaning and purpose. We haven’t figured it out yet, but when we do we’ll write a book and make millions. Really. For now, we are here with you in the trenches, hoping to some day switch out of first world survival mode. I have a sneaking suspicion that there is nothing beyond survival mode. We too, never feel like we are doing enough. We hope that the small victories dull the aches of personal growth.
We are lucky to call you friends and family, though sometimes it’s hard to tell which is which. And we hope you have people in your life that make your burdens feel lighter.
Merry Christmas.
