Aug
31
I got a call on the Angry Baker direct line this morning. It was a blog post request and even though I don’t live with her anymore, I still do what she says. (Not that I would reveal the identity of said caller.) Plus, I love that the readers of my blog find each others thoughts and comments useful (even if mine are not).
It started when she settled herself into her seat on the plane bound for home. She can see a girl walking down the aisle. It wasn’t so much the girl, it was the shirt: Everything is done by hope. This gave her plenty to think about on her 30 hour return trip to the U.S.. Why do we hope? What do we hope for? Why is it important in our lives?
I’ve been thinking about it all morning. In particular, the direct question she asked me, “what do you hope for in your life?” I think this should be an easy question. I should be able to list what I hope for without hesitation. But I can’t. Instead of focusing on my immediate thought of how pathetic I am and what meds I probably need, I got caught up for an hour in semantics. I spent the time trying to decide if hope is different than a wish. There are differences to me. Wishing is windfall. Throwing it to the stars, expecting something for nothing. Hope requires some work, some effort – the feeling that all of our best efforts will lead to fruition. I would say that in casual conversation we use them interchangeably, but if you ask me what I hope for? it’s going to be different than what I wish for.
I hope that our family will live in foreign lands. I hope that my kids will remember throughout the day what I think of them, and not what that stupid kid said at recess. I hope that MB will find satisfaction in his job, or find the job that will keep him interested for more than 2 years. I hope that I will continue to learn – to advance my education. I hope that charity and service will feel good from the get go, and not just in my fond memories. I hope my children will accept my flaws as a person and as a parent. I also hope they will excel in at least one thing in their life. I hope my marriage will continue to be the best thing in my life. I hope that my faith will stop wobbling and that I won’t feel such silence. I hope that at some indeterminate time I will feel I have contributed to society in a meaningful way and that I will separate the need for recognition from the need for accomplishment. These are ultimately the reasons I get out of bed when all I want to do is pull the covers up and close the shutters. Hope is my motivation. It seems pretty obvious that without hope you’re stuck with the dynamic duo of Depression and Despair.
I know something else about myself. I have hope that people will be their best selves. I have never been cured of this. The people I love, my friends, my family, my neighbors…I trust in their ability to be good, to make the changes they need to make, and to give themselves credit. I hope in return, I can be the person they need me to be.
Aug
30
I’ve been a devoted reader of Pacing the Panic Room since I discovered it several months ago. I’d like to say that I know Ryan and his family personally, but I can’t. However, when he asked his readers to help him get the word out about his charity album, I jumped right on that wagon. Their oldest son, LB, was diagnosed last year with Smith Magenis Syndrome. You can read all about LB and the motivation behind the charity album here. NO really, go check it out. NO REALLY, go check it out. Yeah, it will take a little time, so if you’re about to make school lunches or you’ve just lied to your kids about needing to go the bathroom so you can internet until they come looking for you, you should probably save it for when you have a few more minutes.
Today is the official release of the charity album, Do Fun Stuff on itunes. 100% of the proceeds from the sale of this album goes to a grant fund Ryan established with PRISMS. The money will be made available to grad students who wish to make SMS their field of choice, the benefit of this is more hard research being done, which leads to more case studies, which leads to more answers for parents and researchers.
The guy has been working like crazy to get this album together – all of the musicians donated their time and talents for free to do this thing. Even the super cool artwork was a gift to the cause. The best part? It’s music that won’t make you want to gouge your eyes out. You’ll actually like listening to it with your kids. (Though the potty song is pushing it a bit.) Did I mention this is for a good cause? Did I mention you can help by using twitter (#dofunstuff) or FB or blogging about it to spread the word? Well, you can. You can click down by the monster’s right foot and share the widget. Or if your not interested in the music of any of that stuff, you can always just click on “Make a Donation” down on the bottom right for money to go straight to PRISMS.
I have a small blog, but I believe in big things and good people.
Aug
27
Dear Disapproving Driver,
I suppose you think I should have let go of my youth by now. I suppose you think that your disdain will cure me. You would be wrong on both counts. I have always, and will continue to be, a car dancer. I also reserve the right to occasionally mouth my imaginary mic á la Steven Tyler when I’m really getting into it. You may continue to think I am silly and childish and I will continue to think you are prudish and dour. Lighten up man.
You see, my car is my place and I want it to be an enjoyable experience. I also want to distract myself from the sea of annoying drivers that surround me – call it road rage therapy. It’s really too bad you didn’t get a glimpse of my 18 month old head bangin’ in her Britax. Her curly hair is mesmerizing. She can’t talk but she can da-dah-da-dah with the best of ‘em. Wait – I suppose you probably think children should only listen to Disney approved music. Well, I’m afraid we’re just not meant to see eye-to-eye Ms. Pantiesinaknot. This is just how we roll in my swagger wagon.
In the future, please feel free to avert your eyes, mind your own business, or focus on the traffic signals of other cars. You could even get all crazy and turn your music up a little. Remember, I’m judging you just as much as you’re judging me. Take care now! Ta – Ta!
You better check yourself before you wreck yourself,
The Angry Baker
Aug
24
I woo my potential friends. I don’t mean to sound creepy, but I suppose there’s no avoiding it. I started long ago with Tall Skinny Girl. We were just kids, but I intentionally put myself in her path and weaseled my way into her life because I knew that she was supposed to be my friend. In fact, I always recount (to the horror of any normal socialized person) how I premeditated usurping her best friend status with another girl and planned to “drive a stake between the two of them.” I’m pretty sure I said that out loud at some point. (I am so so scared that my girls will do some of the horrible catty things I’ve done.) 20 years later, I don’t regret it – but I do regret being so mentally vicious about the whole thing.
Thank goodness for my serendipitous friends. It took a long time to get over seeking my own. These friends snuck up on me; Slowly and without thought, a real friendship grew. I realized I had been missing out. There are so many wonderful, different kinds of people out there. People that make me want to be better, and know more, and push myself more.
The thing is, I still pursue certain people. I generally know when I first meet someone if we’re going to be close friends, or convenient friends, or car pool friends – there are varying distincions that I think everybody is aware of on some level. I still put myself in certain situations to make the right connections. I sometimes worry about my calculation in the matter. Do other people do this? Or am I truly as neurotic as I pretend not to be? Oh the analyzing of every word and eye twitch! I am far more social now than I ever was in high school or college. There are many days that I struggle with the effort and days that I feel like it’s too hard to feel connected. I sometimes get frustrated and feel like I’m the only one trying to reach out and it’s exhausting. The energy it takes to navigate all of the personalities makes me crave my cozy bed.
As much as I try to fight my girly nature, I am driven to seek out social time (preferably with food). I need friends. And while I may sound like a whiner (and I’m not saying I’m not), I have enough sense in my head to know that I have been very, very, very lucky in the friend department.
Big fat sappy hugs to you all!
Aug
20
It’s that dang catchy song by The Dandy Warhols that brings it to mind.
We used to be friends, a long time ago. But I haven’t thought of you lately at all.
Besides being catchy, it’s the theme song from Veronica Mars. (Anyone who knows me, or anyone who knows MB, has heard us talk about our love of Veronica Mars.) This gets me thinking about Veronica and dealing with people that one day decide they’re not your friends anymore. Whether it’s something big, important, or inconsequential, I start making my list of “used to be friends.” It’s actually quite difficult. There are people I’ve just lost contact with, or drifted away from, or people that just find me annoying, but none of the blatant you’re-dead-to-me-now variety. Something about that makes me smug.
And then I remember. There are 2 people that fall into this category. It has been a long time. I haven’t thought of either of them lately. Years maybe. One story is kind of funny, the other is not. Let’s go with funny. Well, weird funny anyway.
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Aug
18
I told the kids we were blowing off school this morning. There will always be school, but summer is almost over and there are peaches that need to be picked.
Join us after the jump.
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Aug
16
There are things about myself that I forget. Or that I don’t notice. Then someone points it out to me and I feel like my undies are showing. Inadvertent exposure. And sometimes it’s something totally innoucous, just a big Huh? Oh yeah, that is something I obsess about. I had that moment yesterday when MB forwarded me an article strictly about denim. How weird? Why would he do that? And while reading it dawns on me, I do love denim and MB keeps close track of the things I love. You probably don’t care much about denim, but I never said I wasn’t shallow.
So Levi’s took 18months to just study the female body and how jeans should fit and then came out with their super-secret formula fits. Which is great news for every BODY, but I’m particularly interested in the fit they call “slight curve” which is just a euphemism for “14 yr old boy.” They roll out in stores in September, but you can already get them online if you can’t wait ’til then. And I like the price point. In a world of $200 designer jeans, I’m totally down with $70 for jeans that fit just right. (There are a few reviews up online, and if we can trust those, and why wouldn’t we trust 19 year old girls that spend their entire time texting, shopping, and grooming?) they live up to the custom fit tag line.
And just when I was getting over the joy of finding pants that don’t give me pancake butt, I hop over to Pacing the Panic Room this morning (he is my new favorite blog. writing + mad photo skillz = me blog stalking) and he announces that he’s doing a web campaign for Gap’s 1969 denim line. (Plus a new series on women who do what they love.) Today, when I should be productive or cleaning my house, I’ll be wasting time over at their stream.
Aug
15
Aug
12
I’m about to do it again. Send you somewhere else. I wasn’t even going to post today, but I just can’t get this out of my head. (I know -what? Me? Nothing to say?) I’m sending you over to Waits4thebus.org to check out her recent post. Why? Because it freaked the hell out of me and I think women need to be a bit more aware of situations like this. And because I haven’t plugged Gavin de Becker’s book in a while, so I gotta start being that paranoid girl again. You need to read The Gift of Fear. Like everybody else who has read it, it truly changed the way I view potentially dangerous or violent situations. In fact, I think I will pull it off my shelf and review it over the next few days. It is news to me that Gavin has been hanging out with Oprah, but I’m glad he’s getting such a huge audience. He’s got some good info. It’s empowering stuff. Here’s a blurb from the book:
“True fear is a gift.Unwarranted fear is a curse.Learn how to tell the difference.A date won’t take “no” for an answer. The new nanny gives a mother an uneasy feeling. A stranger in a deserted parking lot offers unsolicited help. The threat of violence surrounds us every day. But we can protect ourselves, by learning to trust—and act on—our gut instincts.”
Get yer guns ladies. (Oh I know I’m gonna hear about this.)
Aug
11
Got a question for me? Want to know my random thoughts on fashion? awkward people? what to do if you get caught with the dreaded booger? or how to scare friends and alienate people? I’m your girl. I’ll answer as honestly and painfully as I can. I’m guessing what I can’t hear right now is a resounding “No!”
I’m going to give it a try anyway. Hollywood put me up to this, so if nothing else the two of us will just sit around making stuff up. Who wants an example?
Perhaps you are in a conundrum of redecorating a room, for instance. Maybe you could send a letter like this:
Dear Angry Baker,
I’m currently working on a room for my 8 year old son. I bought a really cool bed from Craigslist and I put a lot of time in cleaning it up and getting it painted. Then I found out the bed is smaller than I thought and I had to track down somebody to make a prison-size mattress for my boy. I finally got that all sorted out and then, I realized that the awesome robot sheets we bought for the bed wouldn’t fit quite so nicely anymore. And well, I’m married to someone who just can’t let go of things once they get in her head. What can I do?
Love and hot kisses,
MB
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