I should have learned by now not to trust my brain-to-mouth filter. It’s put me in some weird situations. Awkward situations. Like the time I was hugely pregnant with my first child and attended the wedding reception of a coworker. An older, sweet grandfatherly type that also worked in our office simply asked how I was doing. My response? “I’m packing a load!” I shouted obnoxiously across three tablescapes and grabbed my gigantic belly as I said it. My coworkers shook their heads and laughed, because this unfortunately was not a first. There is no response for that statement. What does it even mean?!
These things just come out of my mouth and I watch them bounce around and float there while the other person tries to figure out how to respond. Luckily, I’ve studied my social interactions and figured out when it is most likely to occur. It will definitely happen if I’m in the same room with a BFF. I’ll just let it fly and the more awkward the funnier it gets. That’s always a good time. Especially if you get to the silent, sucking-in-air laughing or the Angry-Baker-can’t-control-her-squinty-right-eye laughing. It serves me well in those relationships.
It’s the other instances that are a bit troublesome. I do it when I want to put people at ease. Why? How does being awkward make other people comfortable? Yeah, I haven’t quite figured that out yet either. As far as I can tell it’s my way of being honest. I’m just being me and that should take the pressure off, right? I have this idea of myself as some sort of Tina Fey commentator: Snarky but self-deprecating. Sharp but a wee bit neurotic. Mocking the political and the popular. Turning awkward situations into comedic gold. Right? No. Not right. I’m delusional. The majority of my post-social activity analysis reveals that I just confuse people.
Just this weekend I had another one of those moments and I came away realizing (because don’t I claim to be observant?) that this woman who I’ve know for a few years (not a good friend, but person I’ve interacted with many times) had no idea what to think of me. Not a clue about her opinion of me. Don’t we know most of the time? We know if people really want to talk to us, or if it’s small talk, or obligatory acknowledgment, or killing time talk, or I have to talk to you because our kids like each other talk, or I’m forcing myself to be nice talk. I could not identify a single one of these to label the interchange. Total disconnect.
This is the worst epiphany ever. I am not Tina Fey. I am Michael Scott.
AWEsome last line. Hilarious.
Sometimes I think I have social graces. I think I can be dressed up and taken anywhere and will be appropriate and not embarrass my family. Other times, I wonder why I even make an effort to leave the house. And I find that the less social interaction I have, the worse I am once I do step outside. My main problem is talking to much. I start and then I can’t stop and I’m tripping over myself and I see the other person’s eyes getting wider and I still can’t stop. It’s like I have this quota I’m supposed to fill of how many words I speak a day, and if I haven’t been meeting that quota, I make up for it when I find an adult who’ll listen.
Ah yes, the classic diarrhea of the mouth. My husband bears the brunt of my word quota.
Funny. Now you have me thinking. I think, at one time, I may have been the office Angela. Yikes. Preferred cats to people – vegetarian – was the only one not asked to lunch because everyone thought I was a goody-goody – and while did not “date” the office Dwight, did sit near him, at which time, he immediately informed me that we had the same college major, and… he just FB “friended” me the other day. Hmmmm……
Strange. I never thought of you as a cat person.
You’ll always be my Tina.
Totally TIna – trust me
Dan and Jon made up a term that describes me when I go too far, cross the line in a perverted manner, or something to that effect. They call it a “sarah-pet”. Don’t ask me why that’s what they came up with? But now when we’re in public and I do it, they both say, “Too far, Sarah, too far. That’s such a “sarah-pet”.” Doesn’t make sense, I know. Sometimes in big groups I just can’t stop and get excited and go too far with my thoughts out-loud or trying to be funny.
That last line was laugh-out-loud funny. A weird, kind of deep throated heh, heh heh belly laugh that I immediately stopped not so much because I was afraid of waking up Zoe as because it kind of creeped me out. Not that your post did – just my laugh.