I inadvertently cursed myself in 6th grade.
Twice a week we would line up along the cement benches on the first floor of the open air hallway at my school. (P.E. in the tropical climate of Bangkok is a special kind of torture.) I would take this gathering time as opportunity to scrutinize my gym teacher. Tall, skinny, and above all else, flat chested. I can still picture her in the too-short 80s shorts and athletic logo polo as if she were standing in front of me right now. She was not pretty, she was not ugly. She was flat chested. Did I mention that?
I pitied her. Since we called her “Miss” I assumed she wasn’t married, and I assumed she didn’t have a boyfriend. In fact, I was quite sure she had no life at all and was miserable with her tv dinners and lonely nights. I didn’t picture cats at the time, but let’s throw them in now to complete the image. These thoughts came to me unbidden and I dwelt on them often. Thus the curse. (Either that or it was too many rounds with the Ouija board). I worried about her, but never myself, because that would never happen to me.
Like a patient customer, I waited for my package to be delivered. It wasn’t until my senior year of high school that I began to wonder about my delivery, which is remarkable given the cruelty of teenagers, and my brothers in particular. And it is odd because I’ve always considered myself a fairly observant person. One fateful day I wandered into my aunt’s kitchen and overheard my female relatives talking. I say talking, but they do a lot of cackling too. I come from women of this variety:
Ruben's ladies
They couldn’t see me from the kitchen, but I sure could hear them and they were talking about ta-tas. Mine, to be exact. Or rather, the lack of mine.
“Do you think it bothers her?”
“I don’t know. She’s never said anything about it.”
“Well, she’ll probably get them sometime….”
Thanks for the issues ladies. My therapist mother was part of this conversation if you were wondering. Enlightenment settled in and I became fully aware of my UNendowment.
Over the years I’ve gone back and forth about my breast size. Mostly, I found it didn’t bother me. It’s great to be able to go without a bra most of the time, though that can cause some tricky situations.
After being married for several years and having endured the comments of women and men (because in this world it’s okay to comment on someone’s body if they are thin) I decided a boob job was the first stop after I was done having kids. It would make me more feminine, it would help my clothing fit better, and I could give up push up bras that made me look like a desperate jr. high girl. During this waiting time breast augmentation became ubiquitous. Fake boobies everywhere! I had a friend that went to a full C and it was the only realistic and proportional result that I encountered. Frankly, I became repulsed and a bit angry. Angry at men who pressure women to look a certain way and angry at women trying to look like prepubescent anime girls, furthering the body issues and struggles of girls and women everywhere. (Is this the point where I defend MB and say he always said the choice was up to me? Well, he has always said that).
My homegirl
I’m not so angry anymore. The young girls in my realm of influence may secretly judge me, the big girls for that matter even, but this is my body. Why should I hate on my flat self? They’ve been good to me. I’ve breastfed three kids. In pregnancy they provided me with a solid B cup and I felt as chesty as Pamela Anderson. I can exercise without any discomfort. I don’t stain my shirt that much and well, this is me. I get to hang (ha ha) with the likes of Kiera Knightley (remember her very ballsy denouncement of her digital enhancements for the King Arthur posters?)
So while all of you are looking to lift and separate, I am looking for a bra that doesn’t sport Hello Kitty. Either way, it’s all good ladies.
I’m flat chested and proud. We flatties are a dying breed. Come on and gimme a hug – nothing squishy will come between us.
“because in this world it’s okay to comment on someone’s body if they are thin”–true that! I can’t tell you how many times…. Is there a girl on the planet that likes her body type? No. Including us tall skinny girls that are flat chested. I barely made a B cup when I was breast feeding twins, I was pissed about that. I’ve come to grips with it for the most part but I still go through stages where I buy the inserts or search for water bras or something that will make me look more womanly, but they all end up collecting dust in my closet. Scout asked me the other day why I wear a bra and I thought in my head “why do I wear these things, they’re not supporting anything!” But I don’t think I can be the one to start a bra-less flat chested movement. I wear the bra to feel like a woman.
Amen! My first date (just weeks before I turned 16–it didn’t go well, and we learned to dislike each other immediately) gave me crap for being flat chested… like him pointing it out would be a real insult, like I had never noticed before that I wore a AA and was waiting for some some hormone-ridden boy to point it out. I said, “Well, if you’re the kind of guy I’d attract with boobs, I’m glad I don’t have them.” I felt pretty empowered then, and my lacking never bothered me. Until I realized nursing can actually make you SMALLER after a year of it. Multiply that by four, and it can make a girl concave.
But, like you, I realized that, hey, I took care of four babies with these girls. My kids got fat and healthy off of me. And I’m proud of that fact. It’s sad that it’s so easy to forget what we can DO and not just what we look like when we feel pressured to fit some plastic mold.
Commenting on other people’s bodies is just so unbelievably rude. I’ve always hated that people feel like they can comment on pregnant women’s shape etc. I’ve never been very big, but am noticing that the many years of nursing has created a decidely unshapely effect (they just hang straight down) and have been thinking that if they would be better off flatter. We all want something different. I know quite a few people who talk about having them fixed after being done with their kids, and while in some ways it sounds enticing, in many other ways I feel like a disservice to women and a denial of different ways to be beautiful and womanly.
This also brought to mind Kate Hudson’s recent change and diff. people’s reaction to it. I probably should stop reading celebrity “news”
I was not aware of Kate’s augmentation, so of course I had to check it out. Nicely done. She’s looks normal and proportional and no one would notice if she wasn’t a celebrity.
i want small boobs.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we had some sort of trading station?
I think I am growing more comfortable with mine. I have always been self conscious about the size, slouching to take the attention away from them. For the sake of my back I need to learn to stick ‘em out there, eek! Oh, and they hurt like buggery every month leading up to ‘red day’ (Toby has this date set in his phone, and the week before it so he knows to look out haha). But they’re mine and they’ve served me well. I was looking in the mirror thismorning while I taught my yoga class and I was laying on my belly doing some version of bow pose and I saw my boobs all squished on the floor and though woah! they look hot right now, if only I had some flat thing pushing them up all the time just imagine how comfortable I would feel. Hmmm. I’ve thought about surgery too but I think I’m ok now. My youngest is 6 now and my boobs seem to have returned to some kind of normal. Reading your post though makes me think I should be kinder to them
my boobs that is, kinder to my boobs.
That’s right – show ‘em what your workin’ with.
Angry Baker you are a result not of your genetic heritage but your mother’s deep desire to be tall, thin, and YES, LESS buxom.
We flat girls got it goin’ on…
I found out when nursing this new baby that Evelyn always thought a woman nursed from her belly button. Does that say something about the state of my boobs?
While I’m sure your comment causes you some distress, it will provide me with many amusing chuckles for the next few days.
i keep getting packages sent to me! can i please send them somewhere else?????
Ha! Yes, just forward them to me.
My favorite college professor had breast cancer–double mastectomy–and chose not to get reconstructive surgery afterward. I always loved her for it–she was indeed a feminist that taught a very influential class on the history of women in America. Elder Holland alludes to implants, etc., as “vain imaginations” in a talk called “To Young Women”…just read it with my step/teenage daughter. Worth the read.
Although my 3 year old did ask where I got “those breasts” recently–referring to the fact that I didn’t have a chest before her now 4 month old nursing baby brother came along.
Okay, so I never thought I’d be defending boob jobs but I was chatting with a friend the other day who said something about how distressing it must be to God when women get them b/c it shows we don’t love our bodies. I couldn’t help but notice that this woman had cosmetic braces, dyes her hair bleach blond every 6 weeks, wears LOTS of makeup, has fake nails and regular pedicures and has more clothing than anyone else I know…. sort of seems like a contradiction to me.
I’m not saying I”m pro augmentation but I won’t rule it out. IMO the real problems occur when you are obsessed with how you look. That can happen to people who dress modestly and wouldn’t consider any kind of cosmetic surgery as well as with those women who go up to a double D from a B (my neighbor and she looks like a clown (fyi that’s Curt’s new favorite insult and I love it)).
Curtis doesn’t care at all but once I stop nursing Lucy it’s back to the less than A cup deflated pancake look. It’s sort of a drag to roll your boobs up into your bra… ya know? Anyway, a few years ago I would have said no way and it’s certainly not something I plan to do, but I have no problem with someone else choosing it. I dunno… maybe Texas is getting to me!!! :O
I’m not arguing against plastic surgery. I think many people have benefited from it – Kate Hudson’s new boobs look great. And we certainly know that I can’t line up in the au naturel camp either. I’m arguing against the “one size fits all” mentality about women and the way we look. I’m really talking about body image and breast size just happened to be my personal example. I think we don’t talk enough about how are bodies are of use to us – for many different and good reasons. Our bodies need more love and less criticism.
But mostly, I just wanted to type boob a bunch of times.
Agreed. boobs boobs boobs boobs… very fun!
I loved my boobs before I had children. At the risk of sounding annoying I thought they were perfect. I don’t like them now. Too big. But they’re nursing boobs right now and I’m curios to see what they will look like when I’m done and not pregnant. I think a good bra will become my best friend.
I just read what I wrote. I’m not pregnant right now. I meant when I’m done having kids.