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Roll With It

I’m hijacking this post. My cute little title was supposed to be an intro to the crayon rolls I’ve been busting out lately. Here’s the thing, I don’t feel cute or crafty or really happy right now. In fact, it’s shaping up to be a crappy day. My dull aching back has amped up to a throb. I barely got myself dressed, which isn’t saying much considering most people would probably think I’m still in my pajamas. Dutch is still in her ratty footie sleeper (and will be the rest of the day) and wiping snot on my leg. That is when she’s not crying and clinging to me for dear life.  I cannot make it through a single task uninterrupted, which makes lunacy inviting. Teething makes her rather unpleasant. I try to be understanding and nurturing, but really I just want it to stop.

I read a couple of things about wonderful mothers accomplishing great and important things and it was like getting punched in the stomach again and again. Remember that time? That time when you thought you were destined to grow up and do something great? I’m pretty sure everyone must feel that way at some point. I didn’t want to be famous or rich, but I was so sure I would contribute to society in a significant way. Now please, don’t patronize me and give me lip service about the importance of motherhood and raising good kids. My life would be significantly different if I didn’t believe that in some part of me. It just doesn’t really feel that way and I imagine that feeling, if it comes, will be fleeting and isn’t really the point anyway.  I’m sinking into the pool of bitterness and guilt. Eeyore and I can barely keep afloat. I keep thinking of that overused quote by Marianne Williamson (but so often attributed to Nelson Mandela).  You know the one that starts, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.” No, that’s not my deepest fear. That quote has always kind of bugged me, because the truth is we’re not all that brilliant or special or hiding our wonderfulness from the world. My deepest fear is that I’m just ordinary. And that I always will be.

Now I will go do something, because when I get to feeling this way I find I just have to do. Work or clean or make something because I cannot stand to just be. I need to take my own advice and just roll with it. Oh, and if you want to make a life-changing crayon roll here’s the tutorial (I found it over at Skip to My Lou – I think it’s one of the best crayon roll tutorials out there). They are a great beginner project. I modify the instructions just a bit, but I will save the space and just say that if you want to know what I do differently, just let me know and I’ll fill you in. Here’s my latest for the upcoming auction:

I make crayon rolls. Woo hoo.

POSTED ON April 13, 2010, , , ,

Comments:11

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  1. Bobbie Reply
    10/04/13

    I’ll spare you a pep talk, and instead say that I’ve never liked that quote either. I think I know the difference between being afraid of my inadequacies and afraid of my potential for power. And it’s a pretty big difference, even to a little brain like mine. On the days when getting myself showered and dressed–or just dressed–feels like a big accomplishment, I let it be my big accomplishment. And I then figure if we all make it through the day without bloodshed, we did just fine and it’ll have to do. Unlike you, I never thought I’d contribute to society in some meaningful way (beyond being a mother, and even then, I didn’t hold myself up on any pedestal for the big plans I had for bake sales and PTA meetings). That’s probably a pretty pitiful admission, isn’t it? As I’ve gotten older, though, I’ve wondered what just being ordinary means, and whether it’s such a bad thing after all. I could get really morose right now and talk about how quickly even the great people are forgotten, but I won’t.

    I love the crayon rolls, by the way, and I’d make a few if I owned a sewing machine, and I’d own a sewing machine if I knew how to sew, and I’d know how to sew if I had that kind of ambition. But I don’t.

    But I am dressed and showered, and that’s something. It is for you, too.

    • angrybaker Reply
      10/04/14

      I’m glad somebody else doesn’t like that quote – it felt blasphemous admitting that. I prefer the line from the Incredibles. Helen says, “Everyone’s special, Dash.” And Dash mutters under his breath, “Which is another way of saying no one is.”

  2. Nova Brown Reply
    10/04/13

    Have I told you lately how much I love your crayon rolls?

  3. Maryanne Reply
    10/04/15

    I’ve always found that quote a little, well, weird. I don’t know if it helps to say that I have days like that too. And that I do have a sewing machine and should really make cool crayon rolls like that.

  4. Am Reply
    10/04/15

    Ok, I read this post right before I left the house this morning and thought about it a lot. I’ve always hated that quote too. And, I agree whole-heartedly that my biggest fear is that I’m ordinary. I can think of a few experiences in my life when I felt really ordinary/plain (one of them was when I was on bed rest with the twins and Ryan’s mom ran into his x-girlfriend at a gym) and I was terrified that I was soooo boring and uninteresting. Usually those feelings are followed by me trying to be someone I’m not…pretending that I’m really athletic and sports are cool or something like that. I miss you too!

    • angrybaker Reply
      10/04/16

      Yay! We should now form a club to hate that quote together. I really thought everyone loved it. I won’t give you a pep talk either, but I will say you will never be ordinary to me. At least your not Tom Hanks, right?

  5. Sarah Reply
    10/04/15

    Oh, how I love this post which sounds horrible to say because you sound kind of down in it, but I love it because I can relate. I have a hard time articulating my feelings about motherhood. I have attempted a few posts about it on my blog, but then people just write me and tell me how sacred it is and blah, blah, blah and then I kind of feel more inadequate. I feel your post says what I feel perfectly. I actually have always felt and still do that I’m meant for something bigger, which in a way kind of sounds vain, but that’s how I feel (like I’m supposed to have another profession beyond being a mother). It’s kind of like how I feel after watching conference, which sounds horrible. I feel inspired but also like a horrible mother. This past conference kept saying “teach your children” over and over and over. Yikes. I’m in trouble. I usually get pretty depressed about it and then I sew because all of a sudden I feel like I’m working and creating something. I will make the crayon tutorial when my sewing machine gets out of storage. All my fabric is in storage too. I stocked up on fabric awhile ago when I got good deals on it and it’s just sitting there waiting to be used.

  6. charity Reply
    10/04/17

    I needed to read that sometimes you have those days, too, since you seem so ideal to me.

    I didn’t know you sew. The last things I made were American Girl doll clothes because, well, I’m cheap. I don’t want to buy them.

    • angrybaker Reply
      10/04/17

      What?! You for sure know I’m not ideal in any way. Crazy, maybe. Irreverent, definitely. I don’t sew – I try to sew and live with the results. You should see the doll clothes I attempted. I tell people that the 4 yr old made them.
      And send me some pics of your fam. We need to send real emails soon.

  7. Kristine M. Reply
    10/09/02

    So I saw the Skip to my Lou tutorial on the crayon rolls, what do you do different?

    • angrybaker Reply
      10/09/02

      It seems like each time I make one I do something a little differently, but the one thing I always do is leave the side (without the ribbon) open for turning rightside out. I think it makes the lines look cleaner. I can reach in and use the ribbon to pull it back out and then I use a knitting needle to poke out the corners.Then just iron and top stitch.

      I’ve also used scrap fabric (like my son’s old khakis) as interfacing and that gives it a nice soft thickness. I just increase the seam allowance and sew it to the wrong side of the outside piece.

      Or sometimes I just use one fabric for the inside and outside and cut a 10 X 16 1/2 piece that I fold and press in half (making sure I get the interfacing in there).

      Anyway you do it, it’s an easy project and immediate gratification:)

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