Everybody has one in their family. Young families or grown families, we’ve all got the difficult child. AKA: the spirited child, the rapid cycler, the tantrum maker, the time stealer, the energetic child, etc. I suppose the behaviors vary, but I do know that as I talk with other parents there is almost always a kid that requires more - more time, more energy, more, more, more.
There’s nothing wrong with a kid needing more attention in and of itself. I guess it’s the shaft the other siblings get that really bothers me. The fact that they drain you of every ounce of mental capacity and self control, so that the other kids are left with mere bread crumbs of your sanity. And no time. Kids that behave well, are brushed off to do something else while the situation is dealt with, day in and day out. I can already see that my quick-to-obey child feels slighted and neglected. And the difficult kids? They get away with stuff the other kids would never get away with. They are clueless to the exceptions we make and the dread with which we approach every interaction – how the whole family avoids them. I never wanted a ring leader of this circus, but I can’t figure out how we stop revolving around the problem kid.
The kid in my house that demands more often feels unloved. Often freaks out and often makes everybody mad. This kid doesn’t see that he/she (trying to keep this anonymous, wink, wink) gets 80% of my time and attention. She/he behaves terribly sometimes and can be downright mean/crazy, and then breaks down into sobs that no one likes her/him. It’s really hard to explain that when you behave so poorly, yeah, no one is going to like you OR want to be around you. I just can’t muster that much sympathy for something you bring on yourself. Any special attention I give to the other kids is quickly noted and I’m berated for liking them more (because I did just spend an hour helping you and only five minutes talking to your sib). I cannot win with this kid.
I don’t feel like I have to give many more examples, I think this is known territory. What I don’t know is how to find that place where I feel the other kids are getting what they need. How do I prevent them from building a lifetime of resentment? How do I help this child not turn into that teenager, that adult that can’t see past their own nose? I don’t know, but I do know it’s affecting all of us and I’m ready for it to end.
I will pay you for any magic solution you have.
It was sobering to see the result:
To be living better that 99% of people in the world is humbling. And you know you’re right there with us. The 2011 US poverty guideline for a family of 4 is $22,350 which lands you in the top 10.65%. In other words, most of us don’t even know what poor looks like. You can check out the website to get more details about how it’s calculated. The point is, there are billions of very poor people on the earth. We need to do better.
